Building Inclusive Ritual Community In Tucson

Laura joins me from Tucson to talk about witch identity as something you embody, not a club you earn your way into. We chat about mental health, religious trauma, inclusivity, and the small practical ways you can keep a living practice even when you’re exhausted. 
• building community ritual spaces that stay accessible through livestreams and low-cost offerings 
• defining “witch” as innate connection, sovereignty, and relationship over rigid rules 
• practicing through depression and anxiety with smaller daily rituals and less guilt 
• working with deities like Astarte, Brigid, Hecate, and Loki through offerings, voice, sex, and service 
• unlearning purity culture and the fear-based conditioning of fundamentalist Christianity 
• navigating inclusivity in witchy communities including how to welcome cis men while protecting safety 
• genderqueer identity, presentation, and what makes a space feel safe enough to show up 
• a Saturn return warning about marriage
• a film industry story that captures chaos, boundaries, and survival skills 

Follow Laura here: instagram.com/laurarozar14/

To hear more of the members only episode, head over to CrepuscularConjuration.com. 
If you'd like to recommend someone for the podcast, like to be on it yourself, or if you'd like to advertise on the podcast, send an email to your average witchpodcast at gmail.com. 

Transcript

Welcome back to Your Average Witch, where every month we talk about witch life, witch stories, and sometimes a little witchcraft. This month I’m talking with Laura, a witch from Tucson. We talk about identities, accepting men in witchy communities, and not getting married before your Saturn Return. Also, if you have a second, please let Laura know in comments why they should come to Anahata’s this year. Now let’s get to the stories!

00:01:21.18

Kimothy

Laura, hello. Welcome to the show.

00:01:23.58

Laura Rozar

Hi, Kim. Happy to be here.

00:01:26.14

Kimothy

Yay, I'm happy to have you here. Can you please introduce yourself and let everybody know who you are and what you do and where they can find you?

00:01:34.78

Laura Rozar

Absolutely. So my name is Laura Rozar. You can find me on Instagram at laurarozar14. I specifically hate all other social media platforms. So it's really just that one to find me. I've been leading rituals for a local group um the last few months, which has been fucking wonderful. And I do a lot of poetry. So you'll see that there too.

00:02:02.32

Kimothy

I'm afraid to do that. The ritual part. Not look at your photos.

00:02:07.58

Laura Rozar

I was like, all right, which one are we talking about? I used to be afraid, but back in, so I moved out to Tucson a couple years ago from Atlanta, Georgia. And back in Georgia, I led rituals for about a year for a small group of friends. And it was so edifying. so beautiful to see kind of how they moved through their own bodies, um how they were able to uplift each other. And when I got out here to Tucson, I just looked around and there's so many spiritual humans out here and witches and pagans of all types, but there are very few community ritual spaces. And a lot of the spiritualists out here too, are paywalls for certain things because we have a lot of professionals here, which is amazing, but also makes them inaccessible for a lot of people. So um I got together with my friend Lydia at Celestia Collective and I said, hey, I want to start leading rituals. We didn't know each other before we had this conversation, but we just aligned on so many levels. And it's been incredible to see the community grow over just a few months.

00:03:24.15

Kimothy

Yeah, I was, haven't been in because I have this weird thing about parking and also leaving my house and that's across town from me.

00:03:32.35

Laura Rozar

Ah.

00:03:35.48

Kimothy

So I have not been there, but I am enjoying watching it from a distance.

00:03:40.31

Laura Rozar

Oh, I'm so glad that makes me happy. I'm so glad we've been able to live stream.

00:03:46.10

Kimothy

Oh, I didn't even know that happened.

00:03:48.09

Laura Rozar

Yes. Yeah, we've started live streaming them. She puts a little mic on me. So, which is also nice because you don't, it everyone is still like protected in privacy because I'm the only one whose voice is usually getting picked up, but it lets people kind of come into the space without having to be there, whether they have accessibility issues or just can't make it. And we're also posting the full ritual, afterwards. So if you want to just see on Celestia Collective's Instagram, me being a little pyro or as I help people burn things in ritual or melt ice as we did last time, ah that's there too.

00:04:26.14

Kimothy

yeah because you know why? fuck ice, that's why

00:04:31.22

Laura Rozar

Fuck ice. Absolutely.

00:04:36.23

Kimothy

Yay, that's cool. I didn't know that. That's awesome.

00:04:38.58

Laura Rozar

Yeah.

00:04:38.89

Kimothy

I will check that out.

00:04:40.63

Laura Rozar

Wonderful.

00:04:41.95

Kimothy

Yay. Thank you for telling me and for making it happen.

00:04:47.61

Laura Rozar

I, it's, i I, you know, a few months ago, i kind of just sat down with myself and I got really honest about the amount of experience that I have and the knowledge that I do have because for so long, i had a lot of imposter syndrome as a pagan. um i grew up super Christian conservative. Someone had to be like, this is how you even learn about paganism. Go to this bookstore and pick things out. um And for years, i kind of just had this feeling that I didn't really know enough. And i got to last year and I was like, you know what? I actually, i know a solid amount and I have experience. And as someone who is genderqueer, um i use she, they, they. and I kind of swing back and forth in my presentation, i was really interested to see how much more i could open up ritual community to everybody. You know, because a lot of witch spaces can be pretty femme witchy, and some of them are exclusionary towards men or trans people have a really hard time engaging in them because of this hyperfeminism that can come into it.

00:05:55.57

Kimothy

Mm-hmm.

00:06:08.22

Laura Rozar

And I was like, well, if I do it, especially starting it while in a more mask presentation, how many more people are going to feel safe in this space? And that's been, i think, my favorite thing about leading rituals here is how many beautiful trans humans I have in there. And then we have a cis guy who has been like treated so horribly in other spaces. and he's pan and he paints his nails so his students at work feel safe around him, but he's been excluded in these other places. So it's been really, really, I'm so grateful to be able to create a space where everyone in it is including everyone.

00:06:53.23

Kimothy

That makes me happy. Yay, Tucson.

00:06:56.71

Laura Rozar

Yeah, I love Tucson.

00:07:01.91

Kimothy

So you call yourself a witch, right? That's like an and identity that you use on for yourself.

00:07:21.24

Laura Rozar

I do. It's actually been something really recent for me to fully embody. um For a long time, I have strong feelings about Wicca and a lot of people associate witch with Wiccans, which I am not.

00:07:35.20

Kimothy

Mm-hmm.

00:07:37.08

Laura Rozar

And for me personally, it took me a long time to be able to call myself a witch because of stereotypes. But in the last, again, in the last year, I've been able to really embody it. And I'm like, no, I i am a witch. People meet me and they're like, that's a witch. like And I do ritual and I incorporate so many things into my daily life and synchronicities and magic. And I work with my deities religiously and like i'm I'm a witch. Yeah.

00:08:10.20

Kimothy

What does that mean when you say, when you say I'm a witch, what are, what are you saying to other people? Or yourself.

00:08:18.90

Laura Rozar

I think for me, it's something very innate. So you get practices like Wicca, for example, not to just Wicca hate today, but here we are, um that it's it's very XYZ, like do this, this, and this, use this, this, and this item, um and you'll get this result. And to me, the truest thing about being a witch in my body is that it is innate. Like I personally, feel the the interconnectedness of all things. Like i'm I'm a bit of an animus. Like I believe in energy connecting us all. I believe that there are signatures to different things. I believe that I can know something about a friend or um lover across space and time and connect to that. Like for me being a witch is first and foremost, becoming more of myself. And secondary to that is ritual and um working with other witches and and the the intersectionalism of feminism and how that all integrates. Being a witch is is an identity deeply for me.

00:09:49.48

Kimothy

It's funny that that's coming up in this episode because my last episode with Leah, we also talked a lot about the identity and how you can apply it to yourself and how which falls into all that.

00:10:02.53

Laura Rozar

Mm. Mm-hmm.

00:10:05.98

Kimothy

So it's interesting that that's coming up a lot now.

00:10:09.21

Laura Rozar

I love that.

00:10:12.28

Kimothy

Can you share or will you share how you practice like the sorts of things that you do?

00:10:20.31

Laura Rozar

Yeah, so for me, it looks different every season and every day. um I'm someone who I have a lot of mental health difficulties that I'm unpacking now in a way I never had before. um Was extremely compartmentalized and anxious for a very long time. And I realized how much of that was actually a deep depression. And I was covering it up. by charging through with how high functioning I'm capable of being. And that to say, that makes my practice looks, look very different day to day. Like some days I don't have the energy to pull cards, to do much with my alters, to write the next ritual that I'm leading, um whatever it may be. So like my practice daily, i was thinking, i'm I'm getting a little rambly right now. But um one thing I was thinking about leading into this is the extremely nerdy route one thing that I do in my practice every day.

00:11:33.18

Laura Rozar

So if you're a Doctor Who fan, This cuts back to new series season one the ninth doctor. And there's this episode where he and Rose are on this intergalactic convention and he's given each sort of representative of different peoples across the universe, a gift. And he comes up to this woman who is a tree essentially like her people are a tree and he breathes on her. And she takes it in and she's like, how intimate. And I have taken that to my practice with my altars. Some days i don't have the energy for gifting honey or tea or lighting the candles and like engaging in that way, but I will breathe onto my altars.

00:12:28.31

Kimothy

That's so good!

00:12:28.34

Laura Rozar

And I will thank you. Yeah, no, i I love it because I just, I just realized I'm like, this is part of my body. This is part of my expression. And so much of witchcraft too is learning to use your voice. Right. So it's, it's, It's a deep part of me and it doesn't need to be something that's costly every day. So that's, you know, the smallest thing i do is just breathe on my altars. Other days it it is like I, so I work with primarily Astarte has been in my life for decades. um She helped pull me from Christianity and give me guidance and protection. um She's a Phoenician deity. If you don't know, she's ash Ashtoreth in the Bible. So lots of slang, whorish terms. Ashtoreth itself is actually a slang name. So to me, she is Astarte, but she introduced herself to me as Ashtara.

00:13:33.43

Laura Rozar

 And it was such a beautiful moment because I immediately, i typed in Ashtara when I heard this name. i was I was scouting in my car in locations back in the film industry, and I heard this name. And I typed it in, and immediately it took me to Astarte. So it took me immediately to her. But she gave me a name that was a blend between the biblical Ashtoreth and her truer name Astarte. And it was so meaningful to me as a moment of her being like, I know where you're coming from. At the time I was agnostic, just beginning to learn what the fuck paganism is. But it was it was a moment of like, I know where you're coming from. i know you haven't been able to recognize me yet. I'm giving you a name as a bridge. So she's a goddess who's meant so much to me. And then Brigid, as someone who is like a third Irish, a third Scottish, um I've been working with her a lot. Also as a goddess of poetry, I've been doing poetry slams and open mics, and she's been really fueling that voice and teaching me how to claim my voice. And then i am just beginning to work with Hecate.

00:14:53.98

Laura Rozar

i I had a wall up to her for a long time because of the chaos that comes with left hand path. And I had to be ready to really look at my depression and my mental health to go down that road. And I'm here now and I'm excited. um i have a friend that we're about to start um kind of going on this journey together over the next year. But all of that to say, so for Astarte, when I walk through the world, and let's call it what it is, um I'm hot to a lot of people. like there's There's a large number of people who react to me in that way, is the way I like to say it, because it's all so subjective. But that being said, i there are a lot of different spaces where I raise sexual energy, and to me, that is channeling to Astarte. um and the way that her priestesses would raise that energy and fuel. So that is a piece of it. And then sex is so sacred to me because of that. So when I'm with a partner, that is also part of my practice with Astarte. um She is a goddess of love and of war. So also when we're hitting these protests and we're fighting in other fucking ways, she comes through.

00:16:13.85

Laura Rozar

And then with Brigid, is poetry, it's speech. It's, you know, I give her both of those deities, actually, my favorite gift to them is honey. Because with Astarte, her people were essentially genocided in Canaan and across other spaces, when you look at the Old Testament, and to get the Christians to the land of milk and honey. So when I think Astarte, one of the things i find sacred to her is honey. And with Brigid, she's said to have, um to have brought bees from her apple orchard in another plane. And honey is sacred to her. So I love using like local raw honey. And it's something that like, It's cost effective. It's not buying alcohol all the time or these other things, but it's meaningful to them. and I find that so much more important. So to her, I gift honey when i'm when I'm doing work with her. And Hecate, we're still learning each other. So we'll see where that goes. But o one thing I wanted to share, the other day, so my altars are lined up next to each other on a bookshelf. And the other day, I burned incense. in the room.

00:17:39.00

Laura Rozar

And once it was burned, I scattered some of the ash on each of their altars. And i got so excited because it can be a lot to like light incense on every altar, to light something for every deity. And I realized, oh, I can burn this incense. I can commune with my deities and I can scatter from the same across the altar. So again, when we're talking about accessibility and ritual, this is another way to give energy, to give um deference, without having to build all the energy up to do a million different rituals. So my practice is very integrated. it It takes me between rituals. It takes me to leading ritual in groups, which is wonderful. fall I love it. And then it's also just how I move through my day, the things that are innate to me, the things that are happening anyway. And I'm able to redirect and channel them sort of to my deities, to these goddesses. and work with them in common goals.

00:18:58.38

Kimothy

I'm so glad you responded. I freaking posted that I wanted somebody to come on the show.

00:19:05.14

Laura Rozar

I saw it and I was like, oh, I'm supposed to do that.

00:19:08.51

Kimothy

Yay.

00:19:09.45

Laura Rozar

Hell yeah.

00:19:14.55

Kimothy

Because this is so good.

00:19:16.85

Laura Rozar

Thank you. I love seeing your face. You just look so...

00:19:21.39

Kimothy

Oh, I have no control over that. It's gotten me into trouble.

00:19:23.48

Laura Rozar

It's beautiful how like happy and and and it's it's distinctly a kid with their hand in the cookie jar and it's a beautiful thing.

00:19:26.92

Kimothy

Yeah.

00:19:33.98

Kimothy

Yeah, I got marked off on my professionalism points because I can't control it in a class I was in.

00:19:39.63

Laura Rozar

Fuck professionalism.

00:19:42.11

Kimothy

Yeah, that's why I don't do that job anymore.

00:19:44.89

Laura Rozar

Beautiful.

00:19:45.85

Kimothy

Part of it. Will you share the best advice you've ever gotten and tell us what the situation was when you got it?

00:20:00.06

Laura Rozar

This is honestly the question that I was like, what do I even begin with? I've had so many life changes. i have two divorces from men under my belt before I realized I was a lesbian. I've moved. Best. You know what's funny is what comes to mind. So I have an aunt on my dad's side, ah Aunt Donna, and she's someone I haven't even spoken to in years. i was never very close to, but she was a very gregarious personality when she was awake. Everyone in the house could hear it if she visited. But when I was getting married the first time, I was getting married at 20. um I'd lost my mom the year before, was dating the first guy I'd ever been allowed to date because super conservative. And so I fucking married him because what else?

00:21:02.86

Kimothy

That's what you do.

00:21:04.22

Laura Rozar

Yeah, exactly. And we got married. And but when we were building up to it, this aunt was in town for a time and she said, you shouldn't be getting married yet. You're too young. And she was, I wish that I had been close to her so that we could have had a conversation where she could have shared that with me because after, so I was married to this man for a grand total of eight months before separating and getting a divorce because he was fucking awful. It got so bad the second we got married. But that's another story. But the point is, she specifically said, like you should be much older before you're getting married. And that's what I tell so many people now. like Don't get married before your first Saturn return. You will change completely as a human after your fucking Saturn return.

00:22:04.66

Kimothy

Holy shit.

00:22:07.67

Laura Rozar

do not get married before that time. Like I'm 32 now for context. um My second marriage, he was a really, he was a much better man and we poly and I was bi for a while and we we did all of these different things and he allowed me to explore myself with a lot of stability in my twenties. So I appreciate the hell out of him. But that said, i got married to him at, um, And if i hadn't gotten married before 30, I would have never gotten married. And i would probably have learned a lot of things about myself a lot sooner. And, you know, I don't, I don't regret my path because I'm so grateful for where I am now. And I have so much experience that informs me when like, helping others. um But yeah, like the best advice I could give to anyone is just don't get married before your first fucking Saturn return. You will change dramatically as a human. And while some of us are like, we keep changing no matter what, but like, you're going to keep changing through your Just wait. just wait

00:23:30.89

Kimothy

Your brain's not even developed yet

00:23:32.89

Laura Rozar

It's not fucking developed. It's trying so hard just to survive. Don't do that to it.

00:23:48.14

Kimothy

The Saturn return thing. Holy shit.

00:23:52.95

Laura Rozar

Yeah. Yeah, I got my second divorce right at the end of it.

00:23:57.53

Kimothy

I have heard till your brain develops, but the Saturn return thing. Damn.

00:24:03.99

Laura Rozar

It's better, isn't it?

00:24:09.62

Kimothy

I mean, like you, I wouldn't change what I did, but... who knew! Also, don't change your name, folks.

00:24:21.11

Laura Rozar

Oh my God, don't change your fucking name.

00:24:22.22

Kimothy

Don't take someone else's name.

00:24:23.83

Laura Rozar

look Look at my unique, interesting last name, Rosar. The first time I got married, I changed it to Walters. For what? Because he pitched a fit. And so I changed it even though I didn't want to. And as soon as I divorced him and I took my name back, i was like, never again. And I didn't the second time. I was like, I don't give a fuck.

00:24:46.45

Kimothy

Good.

00:24:48.67

Laura Rozar

Non-negotiable, I keep my name.

00:24:52.89

Kimothy

Well, at this point in history, I wish I hadn't.

00:24:57.36

Laura Rozar

Mmm.

00:24:58.25

Kimothy

Annoying.

00:24:58.26

Laura Rozar

Yeah, do we want to talk about voting legislation and how they're trying to make it way fucking harder for AFAB people to vote?

00:24:59.10

Kimothy

Or I wish I could just pick the one that I want. I'm on my third marriage. So yeah, i have to go find all that fucking paperwork now because of this bullshit.

00:25:13.08

Laura Rozar

fucked. Oh my god.

00:25:16.02

Kimothy

Eat 1200 dicks.

00:25:19.70

Laura Rozar

1,200 exactly. That is the amount of dicks that you are due to eat for this crime.

00:25:30.33

Kimothy

Stop trying to take my shit away from me, stupid asshole.

00:25:35.74

Laura Rozar

I have a poem that's essentially just an angry spell against DT. And I'm going to be performing in a fire spinning and poetry show on April 4th. And I'm so fucking excited.

00:25:49.98

Kimothy

Annnnd I'm going to be in Austin that day. sweet.

00:25:53.21

Laura Rozar

God damn it. Well, it's going to be great. Hopefully I'll get some recordings. But one of the poems that I'm doing is that poem. And I'm really excited to perform it with all of that energy.

00:26:10.62

Kimothy

I will be at it at a witch event so my brain is going to be really full but hopefully I remember to shoot you some energy for that

00:26:17.85

Laura Rozar

appreciate you a lot. What, which event are you going to?

00:26:21.55

Kimothy

austin witch fest i'm excited me too well my friends in texas for me are the rmain part but i'm excited to go to austin.

00:26:23.61

Laura Rozar

Beautiful. I've, I've always heard Austin is like the one redeeming quality of Texas. Okay, fair. ah I drove through Texas ah when moving from Georgia.

00:26:43.58

Kimothy

how… what was that week like

00:26:46.97

Laura Rozar

right managed it in like a little over a day. i was I was ridiculous. I drove like 14-hour day and then and then to get out here. But West Texas is gorgeous to drive through. East Texas is bland as shit. West Texas is gorgeous.

00:27:10.58

Kimothy

It was just too much Texas. I also made that drive a couple times.

00:27:15.29

Laura Rozar

It is at the end of the day, though, just too much fucking Texas.

00:27:17.83

Kimothy

Oh, look, we're still in Texas. Yeah.

00:27:24.70

Laura Rozar

ah is this more Texas? Fascinating. that another pickup truck with shitty bumper stickers that make me concerned for my safety?

00:27:30.12

Kimothy

Look at all this brown. We're still in

00:27:39.36

Laura Rozar

Raggedy

00:27:39.86

Kimothy

And a raggedy flag.

00:27:43.20

Laura Rozar

ass flag. Ah.

00:27:49.53

Laura Rozar

ah

00:27:51.64

Kimothy

My Texas people, you know I love you, but... my god.

00:27:54.81

Laura Rozar

that ah Texas was so big I started making up like random fucking songs I was singing to myself. Getting real deep into a southern accent. It was a whole thing.

00:28:14.87

Kimothy

It is. still is. but What is the biggest struggle you have in your practice? I don't believe in segues.

00:28:26.78

Laura Rozar

ah fuck a segue. ah Now all I can think about is Weird Al. um They see me rolling, they hating, because they're so white and nerdy. um Anyways, that's what I think of every time segues come up. um Difficulties in my practice. So I will reference mental health again. There are days where it's like, oh, there's this fucking We just had a lunar eclipse blood moon and I wanted to be that witch that did a lot for it. And I was like, i I don't have it tonight. I don't have capacity. So I pulled some tarot cards of things I wanted to release. I put them on my altar and that's what I did for it. um So I would say probably first and foremost, it's depression and anxiety, but with a close second being the right way to do things. um Again, coming from christian a really conservative Christian background, I had...

00:29:35.77

Laura Rozar

i I got really close to cult level with the last church I was a part of. It was a non-denominational church in Georgia. It was very like, we want Jesus to come back in times, speaking in tongues. i It's actually where I learned how to channel the energy of a room that i now use to lead ritual because I would dance during worship. and literally was was so effective at bringing people in with that that the leaders would find me if I wasn't dancing and worship was like not going great that night, they'd be like, will you dance? And I'd go up there and five minutes later, everyone's engaged. So now I'm like, and now I use that to lead pagan rituals. But that said,

00:30:18.89

Kimothy

I love when we can subvert things.

00:30:21.08

Laura Rozar

Right? I also like to take credit for that church imploding because like ah probably seven or eight months before it had to disband because it was chaos, they really pissed me off. And they really pissed me off. And then I was still like essentially leading worship through dance while thinking you about how much they pissed me off, which I know now

00:30:49.59

Kimothy

Oh, oops.

00:30:50.81

Laura Rozar

It's magic. So I'm like, and fuck you guys. Thank you, Astarte.

00:31:00.63

Kimothy

That makes me happy.

00:31:02.84

Laura Rozar

It makes me happy too. And all of that to to circle back. i So a book that helped me so much when I, one of the first books I read is called The Path of Paganism by John Beckett. And this is the book that I recommend to anyone coming from any kind of fundamentalist background because he it's a very easy read. It's small. And he just kind of lays out the differences between monotheistic relations. And polytheistic and working with different deities and the sovereignty inherent to working with deities as opposed to worshiping and subjugating yourself to one deity who can read every thought, everything, the amount of OCD and anxiety I had as a child because of my mom instilling so deeply this God who knew everything. There's nowhere to run, right?

00:32:06.30

Laura Rozar

So then coming to paganism, this book helped me so much to begin to rewire my brain of like, pagan deities want you in your sovereignty. Like at least the goddesses I work with, they want me fully sovereign and empowered. And It's a relationship. It's truly a relationship instead of a subjugation. and But it was really hard and it's taken me a long fucking time to unlearn this is the right way. This is the wrong way. This is how you should carry yourself. This is how you should speak about it. These are the things you should know. Shut the fuck up if you don't know these things. like No, like i there is still a lot I don't know. And thank gods because then life would be really boring. um But like the most important, right?

00:32:59.68

Kimothy

Oh, could you imagine if you knew everything? That's too much stuff.

00:33:02.32

Laura Rozar

Like fucking may as well die. It's too much fucking stuff.

00:33:06.44

Kimothy

What's the point after that?

00:33:09.89

Laura Rozar

And now I'm thinking about Doctor Who again, because when Donna had too much in her brain, he had to shut it down because it was too much for a human brain. So like we aren't meant to know everything.

00:33:22.26

Kimothy

I do hate it a little bit that I don't know everything.

00:33:25.78

Laura Rozar

I mean, same. I'm a Capricorn Taurus Virgo.

00:33:29.11

Kimothy

Oh!

00:33:30.20

Laura Rozar

Yeah, so I do want to know everything. Like that is innate to me. And it has been the work of my life to learn to appreciate flaws and to appreciate shortcomings and learn how to say what is what. Yeah, so essentially though, the hardest thing in my practice or the hardest things in my practice have been learning how to not push myself when my mental health won't allow, and to be okay with not knowing, and to truly trust my intuition. Because I was raised with the heart is sinful, the flesh will misguide you, essentially everything innately your body is wrong.

00:35:05.62

Laura Rozar

um And being raised with that it was very, very hard to learn to trust my intuition and to build it. And my practice has grown so, so, so much stronger just practicing trusting my own intuition and instincts. And even when other pagans are… excuse me, feel very strongly about how you should practice what you should and shouldn't do because we're human and we all get caught up in the ways we work with certain deities or entities. Always circling back to what is the honest way for me to practice? What is the way that I am feeling called to practice? and continuing in humility for the moments where there are things I need to learn, especially when it comes to other cultures. um Always going out of my way to research to understand from other cultures if I'm working with different deities or like being here in Tucson, honoring the land and um the tribes, who came before us and who are still here and active and making sure that happens at the beginning of every community ritual, et cetera. So it's it's that balance constantly between intuition, knowledge, wisdom, experience.

00:36:48.21

Kimothy

i do get really hot like literally because i'm like sweating now because i'm irritated the way that christianity specifically it might be all religions i've only been raised as a christian so i don't know the other religions in this way but the way they make you completely not trust yourself like you're never going to be good you're never going to be good

00:37:05.29

Laura Rozar

Yeah. Yeah. And no matter how hard they lead into or lean into Jesus and love and grace, like I personally had a mom who was so, so controlling and protective. And it was out of fear and she was also loving and wanted us to be ourselves, but holy fuck, did she also not want me to be myself? um Yeah, I was raised with modesty culture, purity culture. um You're responsible for men's thoughts and feelings. That was deeply ingrained.

00:37:44.30

Kimothy

Mm-hmm.

00:37:45.71

Laura Rozar

Everything between men and women is sexual. No wonder it took me so fucking long to realize I was a lesbian. Feelings. Yeah. But yeah, like every and everything, there's literally no escape. I was i was also homeschooled. All of my activities, I was homeschooled. So everyone around me is Christian. I'm the youngest of four. um My brother is the oldest at 12 years older than me. And then I have a sister six years older and an AFAB non-binary sibling who's three years older than me. and they were both… My AFAB siblings were both on the side of like, let me just kind of repress my shit and lean into being an introvert and kind of coast. And I was like, what?

00:38:34.49

Laura Rozar

That doesn't really work for me. and at the same time, I was hardcore fucking Christian. So I was the one who was louder. I was the one who got attention from boys. um And my mom was constantly shutting anything remotely male-female down. I couldn't watch Disney Channel. Yeah, it was it was a level of control of every input for my siblings and i that like no part of my life was not touched by Christianity and Jesus to the extent that I was, I remember being a six-year-old little girl in my neighborhood and I came across this other little girl and somehow I already knew and had this in my body that I asked her if she knew Jesus. And when she said she didn't, I didn't play with her. at six. So that's how deeply entrenched my Christianity was and how it was around everything, everything.

00:39:31.60

Kimothy

They make us so weird.

00:39:37.92

Laura Rozar

So it's taken literally decades to unlearn and to get it out of my body and to sort through the fucking trauma of it all.

00:39:53.12

Kimothy

That's exhausting.

00:39:54.78

Laura Rozar

It fucking is.

00:39:57.27

Kimothy

So let's talk about snacks.

00:39:57.29

Laura Rozar

I'm glad I can cuss.

00:39:58.92

Kimothy

I'm a Taurus.

00:40:00.93

Laura Rozar

Ooh, you're a Taurus. What are your other two?

00:40:04.67

Kimothy

Aries, which is why I will burn your house down. And Gemini Rising, which is why I have a podcast. I have two podcasts now.

00:40:12.60

Laura Rozar

I have the worst track record of almost everyone I've ever dated. there's Aries in their big three. And if not Aries, it's one of the other fire signs. Like I cannot get away from it. I am so much earth that I am so attracted to fire.

00:40:30.74

Kimothy

Hmm.

00:40:31.80

Laura Rozar

and it's bad for me. Not in all cases, but Aries specifically is rough sometimes.

00:40:40.54

Kimothy

I mean, it's fun.

00:40:44.30

Laura Rozar

Like I love an Aries, but also God damn.

00:40:48.57

Kimothy

For me, it's Sag.

00:40:52.47

Laura Rozar

Yeah, I got real fucked up by a sag or two. The last person I dated, though, their sun sign at least was water. They were a cancer. and I feel like that's me starting to heal as a person.

00:41:11.85

Kimothy

good for you.

00:41:13.14

Laura Rozar

Thank you. The Aries moon still kicked in eventually, but it's okay. Yeah.

00:41:20.33

Kimothy

Aries moon people are a good time, I'll tell you.

00:41:23.26

Laura Rozar

They fucking are They absolutely fucking are. love how random that is.

00:41:27.90

Kimothy

but we will burn your house down. Tell me about your favorite meal.

00:41:37.29

Laura Rozar

love food. I love how random that is. I love food It's such an open-ended question. Like I'm an omnivore. I love a steak. I try not to eat it a lot though. Like I am moving towards, I want to have more like a day or two in my week that are exclusively like vegetarian days for the environment and for just like the consciousness of it. I feel like it helps the body.

00:42:11.86

Kimothy

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

00:42:14.68

Laura Rozar

um But yeah, but I do, I love a steak and potatoes. I love salmon. I love a lot of food. I am a Taurus moon, okay? I just fucking love food. um It saved, I got saved from the eating disorders of the 20 aughts a bit because I was really fucking skinny and if anything I wanted more on my body. So I think that kind of fucking saved me because everyone's like, oh, you're so skinny, I want that. I'm like, no, I want muscle, I'm weak. ah So now that I have muscle, i just, yeah, I try to eat balanced. You asked me about my favorite meal. I have a really hard time with favorite and best. Those words, I'm like...

00:43:06.49

Kimothy

clear your What is the with the one you most enjoy that you think, oh, that was a good time and the meal was really good? I can't answer this question right now.

00:43:21.74

Laura Rozar

Honestly,

00:43:23.10

Kimothy

I'll tell you that.

00:43:24.37

Laura Rozar

It's so hard to do. so i think i'll just I'll just go back to the witchiness of it all. um Back in and Atlanta when I was leading ritual for for my small smaller group of of women, we would usually do like a potluck style thing every ritual. And those were some of my favorite meals for sure. Because it's just the group of us coming together bringing food, nourishing each other together, and then also getting into the spiritual side of things and that type of nourishment. So like I think of my favorite thing with food in general is combining those things. like i'm I'm Southern, right? I am a Southern woman. My mom taught me. oh man, but my mom taught me how to bake and how to cook. And that's, I've said many, many times, something I love is for all of the complicated feelings I have about my mom, I can, the one thing I can always appreciate that has no complexity to it is learning to cook and bake with her because those, those things serve me every day. And I love cooking for people and baking for people and sharing love through food um and through caretaking. you know, when you have a partner who can't cook because they're depressed, like, again, I'm very high functioning, so I can usually manage it. But yeah. being able to take care of them through food, I think is just beautiful. So really any meal that comes down to, i got to like prepare this for you or we prepared it together and we spent time connecting with each other. That's going to be my favorite meal.

00:45:13.27

Kimothy

you have a favorite restaurant here in Tucson?

00:45:16.13

Laura Rozar

Hmm.

00:45:22.20

Kimothy

Or it does it depend like, where is your favorite X, Y, and Z? Is it that sort of situation?

00:45:26.52

Laura Rozar

Okay. Yeah, a little bit for sure. so

00:45:31.92

Kimothy

Me too.

00:45:32.44

Laura Rozar

let's see Let's do… There's so many good... There's actually so many good places to eat here. Oh, I just went to a place called the Cuban Corner for the first time. It's very new. Really fucking good. There's a Cuban place back in Atlanta I used to went to. So used to go to um And I loved it. So that place is really good. um i am sometimes I'm a basic bitch and I just go to the cheesecake factory. Because honestly, I just it's comfort food at this point. But like there's so many good little places to eat. Like you can like Juanitos has really good restaurants. Bean and cheese burritos. there's There's a couple of actually good sushi places. I can't think of the name of them. You don't want to mostly get sushi in Tucson. ah We're in the desert, but but there are a couple of really good ones. And then I'm trying to think of specifically local. Oh, there's this Peruvian place that was really good. i had never had Peruvian. And my friend took me there. it was called Villa Peru. That's fucking good food.

00:47:03.21

Kimothy

Cool. I'm interested in that.

00:47:05.40

Laura Rozar

Yeah. They had this juice to this drink. It was in a and it was this deep purple color and I don't remember what all is in it but it's really delicious. So if you go there check that out. Yeah.

00:47:18.00

Kimothy

Cool. We're going to go there because we like to try different things. Yay. Okay, cool.

00:47:23.51

Laura Rozar

delightful.

00:47:24.73

Kimothy

Do you like Cafe Desta?

00:47:26.71

Laura Rozar

I haven't been.

00:47:29.32

Kimothy

You gotta.

00:47:29.40

Laura Rozar

What is Cafe? Okay.

00:47:31.14

Kimothy

Ethiopian.

00:47:32.62

Laura Rozar

Ooh.

00:47:32.91

Kimothy

It's like in that weird, it's like on so one of the, I don't know, 6th Avenue or Street, but it's one of the places where they have like an insane intersection.

00:47:43.06

Laura Rozar

Oh, yeah, like fucking five different ways to go.

00:47:46.30

Kimothy

Yeah. And it's and like in a triangle. Try that.

00:47:50.62

Laura Rozar

Yeah.

00:47:51.22

Kimothy

I love it. The green beans, the fassolia, my favorite thing.

00:47:52.44

Laura Rozar

Okay. o Mmm, okay.

00:47:56.49

Kimothy

I'm also not vegetarian, but I love those freaking green beans.

00:47:56.72

Laura Rozar

Hell yeah.

00:48:00.65

Laura Rozar

Man, some vegetarian restaurants have wonderful food. I mean, I'm a lesbian, so like I have dated vegetarians. It comes with the territory. and like i fortunately, too, going back to cooking with my mom, because of my dad's heart issues, um she actually tried some different dietary things to help his cholesterol. And there was a phase when I was a teenager where we went vegetarian. So like by the time I was dating women, I was like, actually, I can cook vegetarian. Like we can make this work.

00:48:31.27

Kimothy

That's nice.

00:48:32.41

Laura Rozar

Yeah.

00:48:36.25

Kimothy

What's something you wish was discussed more in the magical community?

00:48:45.32

Laura Rozar

I'm going to take this back to cis men. um Disclaimer. Raging feminist. Lesbian. genderqueer, cis men, can be so fucking problematic. Please don't choke and die. Okay. But yeah, also...

00:49:12.85

Kimothy

I inhaled my water.

00:49:20.60

Laura Rozar

Your expressions, though, in that, were so funny.

00:49:27.80

Laura Rozar

but But yeah. So yeah, disclaimer. Men do suck. That being said, there are some really lovely exceptions to the rule who are either baby witches who want to be welcomed into our spaces or are very experienced witches. I have an ex who... is he he was the first person to introduce me to paganism. He is so connected. We did so much ritual work together. He taught me so much, but, and he was he was a vendor at places. he would He would make magical tools and things and vend, but he had to stop doing it because the last place he went was a convention up in Phoenix And he and his partner, is AFAB, would be there and women would come up and try to speak to his partner about like the Morrigan.

00:50:21.04

Kimothy

Thank you.

00:50:29.73

Laura Rozar

And she would say, actually, he's a priest of the Morrigan and a dedicant and like knows all the things. And women would literally be like oh and scoff and walk away. And it's like, that's that's not how this works. Like, I get it. Sometimes we wanna learn from women. Sometimes we want to learn ah from non-binary people, from trans people. We want to learn from people who are in the minority like us and specifically their practice, but there are cis men who also have been on this path a long time or who like he, my ex specifically, who's autistic and actually had some gender queerness and bi and these different things and they don't know that they just see this big, tall, dark haired man and they don't wanna talk to him.

00:51:28.25

Laura Rozar

And so I think a big issue coming back to it in the witch community is inclusivity. there're you know There are circles that are specifically just women. And I want to say, too, that's super valid. like Have those circles, too. like back in Back in Atlanta, I actually... The easiest way to keep that space um safe and fully open for the women in it, so many of them had male partners. And so I made it women-only. Because specifically, they would share things about their partners there that they needed to be able to share that they wouldn't have. So that is a space I made gendered, not at the exclusion of men, but at the exclusion of their partners, to be honest. And their time There's a time and a place for a space that is either like you can't have your partner there or women and non-binary people trans specifically or like whatever it may be. It is important sometimes to have those spaces that are specifically for so certain identities.

00:52:42.74

Laura Rozar

Or you're doing a kind of work that is even if it's not like AFAB, you're looking for people with strong feminine energy. That's okay, but don't do that at the exclusion of their being spaces that men can come into as well and that they can also have community and share and have that perspective. Like every practitioner has a different experience and perspective Don't shut that out and don't stop yourself from learning from them in a way that might actually edify your practice simply because of the body they were born into any more than you want to be shut out of patriarchal bullshit because you were born into a female body. So I think that's been on my heart a lot lately because I've been leading rituals and it's just so beautiful to have trans people and men and women and non-binary people and everyone is represented in these groups. And then, you know, go from there into like white, black, brown, like whoever wants to come.

00:53:58.39

Laura Rozar

It should be open. And if somebody does fuck shit and messes that up, we talk to them about it. And maybe they do get shut out. Maybe they aren't allowed to come back. There are ways to handle these things. Or maybe it's a teaching moment. But regardless, you can have spaces where you say, as long as you are well-intentioned to everyone in this room, you can be here too. And you can be in community too. And you can learn how to support other people because you're welcomed into a room with other people instead of just being told you're a shitty, shitty man and just go do shitty man things.

00:54:44.97

Kimothy

I'm probably guilty of saying that sometimes.

00:54:48.57

Laura Rozar

I think we all are.

00:54:48.98

Kimothy

Not probably.

00:54:53.30

Laura Rozar

I referenced my group in Atlanta and at the time, some of it was also just, I don't want men here. So it it was it was a blend. And it it's something that came up in the group too, where one of my friends challenged me on it. But at the end of the day, I knew specifically someone in the group. She was challenging me for a specific human who's non-binary and a partner to someone in the group. And i knew that this person… The person who was in the group had a hard time sharing her voice in the first place. And I knew she would filter herself if that other person came in and there wasn't a good way for me to be like, no, just that person can't be here.

00:55:48.38

Laura Rozar

So I used gender at the time. But looking back on that, like I would never want to go about it that way again. i would want to specifically have a more nuanced conversation of this is a space that has been developed for these particular humans. And that's okay. And then too, we ended up having like a couple rituals where anyone could come. you know, and and of diversifying that space. And this person did come and that was really cool. So it's just like, remember that you can just, you can also do more than one thing. Every space doesn't have to be either for everyone or not for a lot of people.

00:56:36.81

Kimothy

I had a lot of feelings when you said all of that stuff.

00:56:39.74

Laura Rozar

Yeah. What are some of your feelings?

00:56:42.81

Kimothy

I probably would not feel comfortable if I see something that is women only. and well It probably depends on what it is because sometimes that's what I want.

00:56:54.23

Kimothy

But sometimes I don't feel like I belong in that space so I wouldn't go to it.

00:56:58.14

Laura Rozar

Mm.

00:56:58.65

Kimothy

And I was like, well, yeah, but that cuts me out. And well, maybe it's supposed to.

00:57:03.24

Laura Rozar

Mm.

00:57:03.72

Kimothy

And that's fine.

00:57:06.97

Laura Rozar

How do you identify?

00:57:09.43

Kimothy

Uhhhhhhhhh… yeah I don't know.

00:57:11.70

Laura Rozar

Valid.

00:57:12.86

Kimothy

All the time it’s different.

00:57:15.51

Laura Rozar

Valid. I literally, I only recently added they, them. into like my identifiers. I'd been calling myself genderqueer person for a while, because I knew like, just woman isn't covering what's happening here. And more and more, every queer person I met assumed they them for me. And I was like, you're not wrong. And the more that I've had experiences too with like past lives, um which has been a really heavy thing in the last couple of months for me. And I've experienced like myself in a male body and one of them and another is a female and these different things, the more I'm just like, I understand my soul as being outside the binary, like outside gender, bigger than gender.

00:58:09.72

Laura Rozar

But yeah, and and at a certain point, I was just like, yeah, I don't relate to being like a cis woman. I... i I don't really use non-binary. i think it's more like this societal specific, like the slot that I put it in doesn't feel right for me. But androgynous, I vibe with heavy. and yeah, and just gender, genderqueer woman is mostly how I say it. Because I do feel comfortable regarding myself as a woman, but it's also just more than that. And so that's that's the term I come back to as kind of a catch-all because some days I go really femme, some days I go really masc. i'm i'm i I used to swing back and forth and get really disheartened every time I felt the need to change again. And I'm finally starting to build an aesthetic that has room for all of my expressions. Like I'm intentionally building this time so that I can be femme or a mask or super middle androgynous. And i don't feel like I have to change who I am to accomplish that, if that makes sense.

00:59:34.94

Kimothy

So I'm going to fill the audience in a tiny bit. We don't actually know each other. um i was introduced to Laura through Discord, the Celestia Collective Discord. um And then I checked out your Instagram. And you just felt like, oh, this is someone that is a safe person for me to be around. Partly because of the way you look.

01:00:03.35

Laura Rozar

I love that.

01:00:04.30

Kimothy

So the way you present yourself, it's working.

01:00:08.44

Laura Rozar

Thank you so much. That, yeah, that kind of goes back to, yeah, when I started this new journey of starting to lead ritual again, i was like, oh, I'm i'm really masc right now. I'm more approachable as a ritual leader right now than when I'm super femme. Because it makes it, it just, I don't know. There's something about my identity now that I do feel like I can, I get to be safe space. And that's just more important to me than anything else. So it means so much to me every time someone is like, oh, I looked at your profile and I could immediately tell you were safe. I'm like, great, it's doing the right, it's it's doing what it's supposed to be doing.

01:01:10.22

Kimothy

Yay. So think about the first spell you ever consciously attempted and contrast it with the most recent one you've done.

01:01:28.72

Laura Rozar

I love that you specified that since we talked about how was clearly doing magic before even getting out of Christianity. Fuck. What would be...

01:01:44.28

Kimothy

And was it a love spell.

01:01:47.10

Laura Rozar

It was not, thank gods. ah At least I can say that. I'm honestly, I'm so generally against, like, at least the core idea of love spells. Because, like, I i don't... i have enough... um Fuck, what's the word? Not complexities. um Oh, man, it's right there. Complexes. it Yeah, almost. I have enough complexes around… So my hair's short right now. When it's long and I'm more femme, too many people are attracted to me. And I say that in all sincerity. It's not that I'm particularly hot in any specific way. It is that I happen to fall into a lot of people's types. And I have had… a hard time feeling at times in my life like someone was really interested in me as opposed to interested in being seen with me especially when I was younger because I was like so when I was when I was like 20 was like

01:03:11.48

Kimothy

Ew.

01:03:19.67

Laura Rozar

110 pounds, tall, skinny, like 5'8", model-ish, long hair. And literally, literally, i remember going on this date where I was on this guy's arm and he was like, I like walking around with you.

01:03:28.61

Kimothy

You’re like somebody's fancy purse? I don't like that.

01:03:40.18

Laura Rozar

And he didn't mean it in a gross way, but it was like, I'm not your accessory. And so... All of that to say, shit, I lost the thread.

01:03:56.60

Laura Rozar

Ask me the question again, please.

01:03:58.03

Kimothy

What did I ask? It was something not related to this.

01:04:02.89

Laura Rozar

Not at all. I went off on such a tangent. I knew this was going to happen today. fuck

01:04:09.78

Kimothy

Well, i, you-  this is the way I talk, so we're all going to get lost.

01:04:17.34

Laura Rozar

Oh, spells.

01:04:17.67

Kimothy

Let's backtrack.

01:04:18.18

Laura Rozar

Okay, first spell, we I got on a tangent about love potions.

01:04:18.46

Kimothy

Okay, yeah.

01:04:22.06

Laura Rozar

So that being said, if anything, I would want to have like a fucking love spell that is specifically, do they really see me? Not trying to pull anybody in. Because i have like i I can be pretty charismatic. I can be attractive to many types of people. Right now, I fall real hard into a lot of queer people's niche. but um But yeah, but if anything, I get insecure that I've like drawn them in with my witchcraft, with my ah charisma, with my ability to understand and my empathic shit. And I will always have a moment when dating someone new That is, do do you really see me? Or am I benefiting you in some way? So that being said, i have not done any love spells. I really don't. Okay, I don't have a good answer for that. Can I instead tell you the first like deal with a deity?

01:05:29.34

Kimothy

Yeah.

01:05:30.52

Laura Rozar

Okay. Because this is a really fun story. um So I had, by this point in my paganism journey, had worked with some different deities. I knew Astarte had been around for me for decades. I was maybe 23 24, want to say. think 24. was scouting locations and films. and i was scouting in locations and film And I was having a really hard day. I was having a really hard time with my mental health, with how with my confidence, how I felt about myself. And Loki had showed up in my life recently. Fun fact, first time I interacted with Loki, I dropped three candles in a Walmart. um I am not a clumsy person. and i was like, oh, I think I know who's here. the god of chaos. Anywho, so i had I had done a little bit of work with Loki. And there was this day that I was driving south of Atlanta. I was going like two hours south of the city to photograph a specific covered bridge that we might need in a show I was on.

01:06:52.76

Laura Rozar

I essentially struck a deal with Loki while masturbating in my car. um Here's this sexual energy. Please help me. And I will owe you. Essentially. And I felt... way fucking better. ah My whole day went better and it was a minute before they called it in. But a couple months later, it was the last day of this show. I just needed to get up, drop some gear off at the production office. And then I was done. I woke up. I looked at Facebook back when I still had it. And not 10 minutes before, a friend of mine had posted that their disabled trans friend needed help moving today. And it had to be today. um They had to get out of this space. They really needed some help. And immediately my spirit knew this is Loki calling in the favor. That's what I'm doing today. um Because like if you haven't worked with Loki, major, major queer supportive deity.

01:08:03.64

Laura Rozar

um So i I got the information. i went over there. I did at least 50% of the move myself. um And being someone who had like packed trucks and locations and knew how to stack things safely, we were moving this person from their apartment to a single bedroom in their friend's house. And we had to stack all of the bins and boxes around them. And when I got to the second location and they were getting stacked, I immediately was like, oh, no, no, no, you're doing it wrong. That shit could fall over on them because they had like a mattress in the middle of the floor. So I like restacked everything and like made it safe. And it was such a beautiful experience for me of getting to very actively move in my spirituality and experiencing with Loki this this gift of, hey, one of my queer homies needs help. You're going to do that in exchange for what I did for you before. So yeah, that's one of my favorite. like that was That was the first time I'd experienced a specific deal with a deity and it being called through in that way.

01:09:22.74

Kimothy

That's much less terrifying than I expected.

01:09:26.95

Laura Rozar

Loki gets a bad rap. They...

01:09:29.88

Kimothy

It's like, oh, what exploded? Tell me what exploded.

01:09:32.92

Laura Rozar

Listen, my experience with Loki, so God of Chaos, right? Everyone's like, oh no, what what else is going to explode? You drop candles, what happened next? It's more... and and I haven't worked with them directly in a while, but my experience was more so being taught how to embrace and learn to flow with chaos. Because like our world and our life is chaos. And my experience with them was, this is how you flow with it. Not I'm making your life chaotic. Your life is already fucking chaotic. Like, ride the wave.

01:10:12.93

Kimothy

That's a healthier way to look at it.

01:10:18.87

Laura Rozar

And you know, everyone has different interactions. So there's that, but that's my personal gnosis with Loki. um Most recent. I think my answer for this is more I guess you know we could talk about what is a spell um because to me sometimes it's like X, Y, Z. I'm doing these things. I'm calling your name. um I'm asking for something specific or help with or whatever. And other times you know I have experience where I will drop into ritual with someone and we will flow intuitively and all these things. And right now what I am learning the most and leaning into the most is

01:11:22.71

Laura Rozar

choosing the moments when I do ritual. Like if you mean the literal, like a ritual is movement, it's actions, it's these things. And also reminding myself daily that I am the magic and that however I show up and on whatever level, I am inherently magical. I am connected to my deities not because of what I give them, but because we are aligned. And even in when my depression is really overwhelming, like sometimes it is right now, that doesn't mean my body isn't still doing spell work. So for me, like right now, like, yes, I am also leading community ritual where we're we're doing work against ice and we're doing work to edify the members of the community and each individual human. But a lot of my spell work right now is just constantly reengaging with what that means and what that looks like on it each day.

01:12:37.66

Kimothy

This is such a good conversation. I’m having such a good time.

01:12:42.15

Laura Rozar

I'm so glad. I'm having such a good time too. i was I was initially nervous. I was like, what if I just blank and forget everything I've ever known about witchcraft? And then I was like, no, it's it's so integrated into my life now. like it's not I'm not compartmentalizing it like I used to. So of course I'm going to be able to speak on it. like It's just life. It's like talking about what I had for lunch yesterday. Yeah.

01:13:10.90

Kimothy

I can't do that. have no idea what I ate yesterday.

01:13:16.15

Laura Rozar

I actually, I had depression lunch yesterday. i made a smoothie and then I melted cheese on chips.

01:13:22.81

Kimothy

I was going to say, is it a slice of cheese that you ate standing in the fridge?

01:13:28.79

Laura Rozar

You know, sometimes it's that. I think lately.

01:13:31.23

Kimothy

Yep, just cheese slices. I know that life.

01:13:36.99

Laura Rozar

Lately, too, has been like my first experiences with having a consistently hard time eating. Like I said, I kind of escaped the eating disorders of the 20 aughts, but lately, because I've so allowed my depression to actually be seen, I'm understanding on a much deeper level now, like what my friends with those things have dealt with, um how hard it can be just to make yourself eat when you just don't want to be here.

01:14:07.37

Kimothy

care yeah yeah

01:14:09.53

Laura Rozar

Yeah, like if the depression is so bad one day, it's like, I actually don't really want to be here. So why would I nourish myself? And I have to continuously go back and rely on the discipline that I've built in my compartmentalization and find find a way to like consciously compartmentalize so that I do at least eat something so I don't feel even shittier. Yeah.

01:14:38.90

Kimothy

Well, we are going to segue. Speaking of friends, what two people have had the biggest influence on your practice?

01:14:50.74

Laura Rozar

I would have to say ex I already mentioned. um I'm not going to name him because we aren't in communication right now. ah That ended really in a really difficult way a little over a year ago, but he is the person who introduced me to paganism, taught me how to research authentically, was there different times I had questions. um We did intuitive ritual together. We worked through different things. There are also things from him that I specifically don't agree with or believe in anymore, but when we talk about just who's had the biggest individual impact, he's definitely a huge one for me. um And then

01:15:50.90

Laura Rozar

think I have to say my mom because of the amount Like when we just say impact on my practice, it isn't necessarily taught me or whatever. Like my mom deeply fucking impacted every part of my life. We were codependent. um I was the one who had the emotional intelligence and strength to step up. and um be there for her when my dad wasn't, when other people weren't. And we were very codependent with each other. And her Christianity engulfed her whole life. That that was her safety. That was where she had learned as a teenager when her mom was really hard on her ah to lean into Jesus.

01:16:53.69

Laura Rozar

And so even though I have so much trauma from the way I was raised, my mom also taught me, one, what integrating your spirituality into every facet of your life looks like. And two, I don't know if I would have found my spiritual practice today to the extent to that I have in the fullness that I have, if I hadn't been pushing so fucking hard against Christianity and against everything I was raised with. And, you know, again, I did learn to channel energy at a fucking church. And so as much as like, I am so deeply saddened by a lot of the things I was raised with, at the end of the day, i would have to still say that my mom deeply impacted my practice.

01:17:56.15

Laura Rozar

And while I'm speaking on it, she actually showed up to me recently. Again, she passed when i was about to turn 19. She recently showed up to me and apologized for a lot. And that has also allowed me to integrate now in ways that it was really, really hard to before. Because while I don't need her approval and I don't need her to be okay with where I am now, it does still fucking help. And there are parts of my body that I think really responded to having that closure because my life was so entangled with hers for the first two decades of my life. And i actually wear her um high school ring, graduation ring, that I started wearing when i went heavy into mask presentation last year. and it helped me find a part of her that was actually helping my identity now instead of being against it because she never got to, we never got to like, we certainly fought, but we never got to do the transition from being a teenager to being an adult.

01:19:23.54

Laura Rozar

We didn't get to fully separate out all of that and to talk about all of that in a way that wasn't her trying to be a really good Christian mom. And so finding little pieces of her that actually help settle me in my identity now has been really healing. oh shit, I got to plug. Okay, plugged the laptop in. But it's it's been really healing. And so like I still have to say like she has impacted everything about me on every level. And that includes my spirituality and where I am now, regardless of how deeply I disagree with the Christianity she taught me.

01:20:16.90

Kimothy

That sounds really good.

01:20:21.30

Laura Rozar

It's been so healing.

01:20:37.53

Kimothy

Now that you've seen what it's like to talk to me. Who do you think I should have? Who would be entertaining for you to listen to? me and them talk.

01:20:52.33

Laura Rozar

I have, you know, do you know Crys at Celestia? The Love Brujita?

01:20:59.37

Kimothy

Mm-mm.

01:21:00.18

Laura Rozar

I fucking love them. They actually, they did a reading for me the other day, a crystal ball reading for me.

01:21:05.86

Kimothy

Ooh.

01:21:06.97

Laura Rozar

ah which is so helpful. That's a specific thing that I will not get into right now because it's a whole other ramble. But Chris is fantastic and they're just a quirky, lovable human who is also like the fire of a Scorpio and I would love to hear in this context more about their path and the way they practice because it's so a part of everything they do. you know And they work with Aphrodite, but also they have this like like little little dark side. And ah yeah, i'd love I'd love to have them on here.

01:21:53.81

Kimothy

Cool. Is there anything else you wanted to bring up? Anything that I didn't ask that you wanted to talk about? Any questions for me? Anything going on that you just want to say, hey, check this out?

01:22:33.56

Laura Rozar

As far as checking things out, if you're in the Tucson area, I am ah i say leading. I like the term facilitating better, um but I'm facilitating rituals at Celestia Collective. We're going seasonally. Our next one will be the spring equinox. I'm really excited for Beltane. Because for Beltane, I really want to do something that's very sexuality affirming, whether you're trans, you've been through abuse, you've been through any other number of things that's kind of disconnected you from it. So if you're in the Tucson area, um you can either follow me on the Instagram, you can find Celestia Collective. I believe the handle is Celestia.Collective. But check those out. And then if you're into poetry, Follow me on Instagram and I will also be promoting shows and open mics and slams that I'm doing.

01:23:31.97

Kimothy

Cool.

01:23:39.61

Kimothy

So I ask two things at the end, more than two things realistically, but I'd like to just, I'm i'm going to just say two, because you know, whatever. Number one is recommend something to listeners. Doesn't have to be witchy at all. What cool thing are you into this week that you call your best friend and be, and, or text and just say, dude, you got to check this thing out. Look at it.

01:24:14.81

Laura Rozar

Shit, I'm blanking so hard right now.

01:24:15.73

Kimothy

Mine are usually foods.

01:24:20.02

Laura Rozar

Oh, you know what? I, so, at Christmas, my, my dad likes to just send everybody an Amazon gift card. which I try not to use Amazon anymore, but if you're sending me a card, I'll use it. And I finally got like and a magic bullet and I got stuff to make smoothies.

01:24:39.58

Kimothy

Ooh.

01:24:40.50

Laura Rozar

And then it took me two months to get my depressed ass to actually make a smoothie, but I tried it yesterday and i use Trader Joe's has these frozen acai puree packages and they're perfect. Like they're individual packages So you just thaw it a little bit and put it in there and put your berries. And I put protein milk and peanut butter and mixed berries and juice in there. And it's delicious. So if you want acai in your smoothies, you don't have to go to a fancy smoothie shop. You can just buy it at Trader Joe's.

01:25:18.36

Laura Rozar

So that would be my recommendation.

01:25:18.87

Kimothy

Nice. We got a ninja and my husband makes every week, every work day. He's the night before he's, mean, he does it the night before. So it sits in the fridge, which whatever, but he's constantly got some thick drink that he brings to work with him.

01:25:41.69

Laura Rozar

Not the thick drink.

01:25:42.20

Kimothy

I don’t do thick liquids, so I couldn't do it, but I appreciate the idea. And the second thing is please tell me a story. It also doesn't have to be witchy, but I would like it to be funny. Or it could just be a story that you love from childhood.

01:25:56.89

Laura Rozar

From childhood.

01:25:59.32

Kimothy

Yeah, like if you want to tell me the story of Bartholomew and the Oobleck, whatever.

01:26:02.66

Laura Rozar

Oh, Jesus Christ. So just any story I want to tell from anywhere. Okay.

01:26:11.48

Kimothy

My favorites are the dumb things that happen like that you would tell at a family reunion remember that dumb thing and then everybody tells the story with you those are my favorites but i'm up for whatever

01:26:11.49

Laura Rozar

You want to. Do you want my favorite film industry story to tell?

01:26:27.77

Kimothy

yes!

01:26:29.05

Laura Rozar

Okay. So few years ago, the last, um, no, not quite the last, but one of the last shows I did when I was in locations, I was working on respect the, uh, movie about Aretha Franklin. And at about 3 a.m. downtown Atlanta, I'm an assistant location manager. So I'm in charge of like the cops we have watching are trucks parked in the street and everything in the building and everything that's allowed to happen in the building and keeping the producers and directors from doing fuck shit to really old elevators and things like that. And so at 3 a.m., m it's me. I have like, I think, two location assistants on set. And we're filming this scene where Jennifer Hudson playing Aretha and the gentleman playing her husband are supposed to be super drunk coming out of this elevator and he hits her. And for elevators, when you have them in a scene in a film, someone has to be inside tucked in the corner manually operating that. because trying to actually time it going up and down is a nightmare.

01:27:46.42

Kimothy

Thank you.

01:27:48.02

Laura Rozar

And without fail, when we hire an elevator operator to to to operate in these scenes, there it's it's an overweight middle-aged guy who can't physically hide in the corner of an elevator, which means that I end up doing it. And Jennifer Hudson is method acting this abuse scene. So at 3 I am in an elevator operating it as they do these takes. She's starting the scene, leaning on my shoulder to get herself into character to the extent that like I checked on her once or twice. i was like, hey, are you still okay? She's like, yeah, but I could feel it coming from her. And somewhere between takes, I realized that my key ALM had not scheduled police for the shift change at 7

01:28:52.38

Laura Rozar

if we don't have cops there, we're in violation of permit, which gets very bad. So I am actively between these very intense kind of triggering takes, trying to get in touch with the police coordinator who is asleep to get cops to the scene. i pulled it off. Everything was fine. But that is my quintessential hell moment from the film industry, is operating this elevator while being triggered, while trying to talk to cops.

01:29:30.52

Kimothy

I want none of that.

01:29:32.76

Laura Rozar

There are many reasons I'm not doing this job anymore. and that story just sums them all up. Oh, wow.

01:29:40.57

Kimothy

No, thank you.

01:29:42.87

Laura Rozar

wow, the directors are telling scene to paint these antique elevators so the camera doesn't catch in their reflection. We had to pay like thousands of dollars to get them refinished.

01:29:57.25

Kimothy

Holy crap.

01:29:58.33

Laura Rozar

it was It was such a fun night.

01:30:03.38

Kimothy

holy crap

01:30:05.76

Laura Rozar

Yeah. Yeah.

01:30:11.13

Kimothy

That's wild. The last thing you said just.. Holy shit.

01:30:21.85

Laura Rozar

But yeah, that's one of my favorite stories to tell.

01:30:30.84

Kimothy

I don't know how you work exactly, but will you try and craft a spell with me and we can see if this works?

01:30:37.62

Laura Rozar

Sure. What spell do you want to do?

01:30:42.73

Kimothy

uh the last spell i actively worked on was a weird chaos magic spell with a banana. you know ah it was against the current administration

01:31:02.93

Laura Rozar

Hell yeah it was.

01:31:07.06

Kimothy

So, I mean, we could continue to work on that sort of situation.

01:31:11.32

Laura Rozar

I mean, I'm down for anything against the current administration.

01:31:20.34

Kimothy

So you want to burn stuff or you want to make a jar or I don't know what else there is. We could do the weird banana thing, I guess, as part of it.

01:31:29.02

Laura Rozar

Listen, the lesbian in me can't quite quantify the weird banana thing. Let's go with burning.

01:31:38.24

Kimothy

Okay.

01:31:41.18

Kimothy

a Candle or a fire?  [fades out]

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